Mega Man 9: Not cool, not cool at all.Mark Clayton would hate to punctuate a landslide rout of a game by catching another touchdown pass from Dan Marino, but I actually wouldn't hate to. Dan can pass to me till we're rolling wheel chairs downfield in the SCFL (Senior Citizen Football League).
I should admit that I didn't actually go back and play the shit-tastical screwfest that was Mega Man 9-- I meant "revisit" in the sense that when you're pissed off and you turn back and say, "and another thing..." That's how this is. I can't shake my absolute disgust for this stupid game.
A retro cool game like this oughtta be a great throwback, not something you want to throw back (then chase after, push to the ground, and kick repeatedly). It was supposed to complement the memory of all those wonderful growth years of video games, the formidable rise of King Nintendo. Instead, it just reminds me of the cheap death taint that was so prevalent because for game designers back then it was the only thing they knew to do. And that's it. See, Mark Clayton played through the early Mega Man games he had, soldiering through all the unfair bullshit. I even beat one of them, for good measure.
Yes, this game is no different from Mega Mans 1-7 or 8 or whatever. It's Dynasty Warriors (a redundant, repetitious game series that has been through the paces without any real substantive change through a ridiculous number of sequels and spin-offs) before Dynasty Warriors was even a pixel in its creator's eye. The earliest renditions were palatable for the time because it was all we got-- that was the best product that could be made with the available technology and budget. It angers me that they saved millions of dollars by developing this new one exactly like an original NES game, even down to the sound. And of all those millions of dollars saved, why couldn't any of it have gone in to adding a dash of innovation to make the game play just a bit -- oh, I don't know -- fun?
A whole tunnel o' fun, which this game is not.
Mark Duper made a good point about how the "new" Bionic Commando game, another retro-retread, has at least been optimized for HD (though not game play in Mark Clayton's eyes, but that's another blog).
Do graphics this chin-slobberingly cool really need an upgrade to HD?
This Mega Man game, though, basically ripped off its predecessors in every conceivable way it could manage and not in a good way either. Sure, the crap they put out back in 1987 may have been fun, but pretending it'll fly nowadays -- is just a pile of shit.
Yes, this game is no different from Mega Mans 1-7 or 8 or whatever. It's Dynasty Warriors (a redundant, repetitious game series that has been through the paces without any real substantive change through a ridiculous number of sequels and spin-offs) before Dynasty Warriors was even a pixel in its creator's eye. The earliest renditions were palatable for the time because it was all we got-- that was the best product that could be made with the available technology and budget. It angers me that they saved millions of dollars by developing this new one exactly like an original NES game, even down to the sound. And of all those millions of dollars saved, why couldn't any of it have gone in to adding a dash of innovation to make the game play just a bit -- oh, I don't know -- fun?
A whole tunnel o' fun, which this game is not. Mark Duper made a good point about how the "new" Bionic Commando game, another retro-retread, has at least been optimized for HD (though not game play in Mark Clayton's eyes, but that's another blog).
Do graphics this chin-slobberingly cool really need an upgrade to HD?This Mega Man game, though, basically ripped off its predecessors in every conceivable way it could manage and not in a good way either. Sure, the crap they put out back in 1987 may have been fun, but pretending it'll fly nowadays -- is just a pile of shit.
2 comments:
Mark, its James Pruitt ... I totally agree with you man. I downloaded Mega Man 9 on Xbox Live the other day. If they hadn't already retroed the previous 8 games, this throw back would be cool - like making new retro Super Mario Bros games. But this mega man is more of the same. I feel like I'm listening to an M.O.P. Crucial Conflict or Mobb Deep album. It was okay the first two songs, but the whole album you wanna take a dump in your hands and smudge it all over your chest and sing Ja Rule's "where would I be without my baby!". Don Shula would not have allowed this game to be made. This rates a "Cam A Lama Ding Dong" 5 out of 10. .... and to comment on the money they saved -- I was hoping you wouldn't say make more levels - and you didn't thank god - because that's all I need. More levels of this crap after its the 9th installation of the series.
To be honest ... I remember playing Mega Man 2 when the Soviet Union collapsed. I was done with the series then. And i'm done with the series for sure now.
You said it, brother!
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